ja_koniga

SML and I met my sister's family and my mother at the City Library this afternoon.  They had taken the new Frontrunner train into the city and then transferred onto Trax to get the library.  I felt surprised by this because I cannot imagine taking public transportation with children, or to get right to the point, I cannot imagine my mother using public transportation.  I'm reminded of my mother's train ride into Holland back in 2001, and although I was not there, I heard about the standing and exclaiming that the German's had an awful, awful way of doing things.

 I took this picture of my sister's daughter Paige in the children's section of the library, after I had tailgated her wandering aimlessly through the book aisles.  When she finally stopped so I could take a picture, she gave me this look, like I might be the most annoying person in the world.

My oldest sister and her family also met us at the library, and we walked north to to have lunch at my favorite bakery.  It's scary to think that this may be one of the last times we're together before SML and I leave to Boston.  When we return my nieces and nephews will have learned to say phrases like, "STAY AWAY WIERDO!" and I will have lost any chance I had at getting these kids accustomed to my strange quirks.

When we were at The Bakery, Tessa had me take her picture a dozen times but would never smile.  I showed her how to smile by pulling my cheeks with my fingers.   Unfortunately, when I did this I just opened my mouth the way I do in all of my photos, like I'm always surprised that I'm taking a picture of myself.  And so now we have that "surprised look" in common.

SML avoided my suggestion that we hike Timpanogos, luring my attention away by discussing the possibility of purchasing a Wii Fit. A Wii Fit would actually satisfy my urge to climb a mountain because I’d be worn out from stepping on and off of the balance board. Walking a block and a half to the train station is enough to put me off going to work at all some mornings, so I imagine repetitive stepping could possibly decrease my desire to get off the couch and or my life expectancy.

When we were unable to find a Wii Fit anywhere in the Salt Lake valley I returned to my notion of hiking Timpoangos. I actually said to SML, “I’m going WITH OR WITHOUT YOU!” I can’t remember if I said that sentence loudly, but I totally meant it in a loud way. And it worked, because SML finally agreed to come along.

One of the very few things that I will miss about Utah, besides my liberal bakery, is the view:

SML had a booth for his store at Earth Jam this year, between the sales of tie dye t-shirts and Personal Power Pillow Cases.  There were many, many strange people at this event, allowing me to take this picture of skeleton welded to a three-wheeled bicycle.

 Very, very creepy.  

I can't say that I participated much at this event because I'm reluctant to talk to strangers. I stood in the booth trying not to make eye contact with anyone, fearing that if I did someone would accuse me of selling cheap third-world products to steal their livelihood.  This happened to SML, who patiently described the differences between his store and Wal-Mart to his accuser.  If it had happened to me I would have said, "WE AREN'T SELLING BONGS, THEREFORE NOT STEALING YOUR LIVELIHOOD."

On Friday night, SML and I went to the Barn Party hosted by the Utah Heritage Foundation. It’s never entirely clear why or how I end up at these kinds of things, but I do know that if it weren’t for my former employer, I wouldn’t have access to some of the most exclusive open-bars in Salt Lake City. And by exclusive I mean anything at the State Fair Grounds.

I was really excited to go this event because it’s been awhile since SML and I have gone out on the weekend. If I remember correctly, the Friday before last we actually did our laundry and then complained how exhausted we were the next morning because we had stayed up past ten o’clock.

Before we left for the Barn Party we tried to dress as cowboy-ish as possible by wearing anything plaid or brown. For whatever reason, I associate the color brown with the west and asthma-inducing things like horses or cow-pies. When I was asked what I wanted to be when I grew up, it wasn’t a cowboy. It was somebody who stays INSIDE, like a telephone operator or a movie critic.

As SML and I were getting ready, I got upset trying to decide whether or not to tuck in my shirt. Every time I tucked in I felt self-conscious that someone would mistake me for a pregnant woman or ask how I had managed to grow a goiter on my belly. I decided to tuck-out my shirt and consequently felt considerably underdressed at the party and resolved that feeling by drinking many Mexican Martinis.

We ordered the new television off of the Internet after I had spent an entire weekend convincing SML that we needed it more than a new kitten or living above the poverty line. The largest obstacle we faced ordering it online was the nine-day eternity it would take to ship UPS ground, which became even more terrible after SML drop-kicked our old television to the nearest person that would harbor possible alien terrorists.

The seven or so days without a television seemed like a cake-walk at first because I put myself on a holier-than-thou stool, right up next to Ghandi, where I’m “seriously too cool for the tube.” That attitude quickly changed when SML and I ran out of things to say to each other and our options to entertain ourselves dwindled to picking each other’s noses or reading a book about Polygamy.

As the time drew closer to our receiving date, my anticipation was nearly paralyzing. I can’t remember a time where I’ve been so excited to have the ability to watch Simpsons re-runs and to keep myself updated with the latest Antique Road Show spectaculars. That same anticipation must have been filling inside of SML, because when I got home on Tuesday I found SML on the phone with UPS demanding to know where our package was.

Once we did get the package, SML ripped open the box and started instructing me to “lift it from the styrofoam.” It was an strange experience altogether because SML isn’t really a hands-on type, and when he started immediately pulling things apart and steadying himself to lift I considered that maybe I had entered an alternate dimension and that maybe Al Gore had won the presidency.

There was a real feeling of a joy after we had set up that television. I feel like SML and I really bonded over that television, carefully setting it up and making sure everything was centered and perfect. Everything seemed so settled and accomplished at that moment, like maybe we had just completed a very important milestone in our relationship.

And just as I pushed the power button, the power went out. Did I say we waited nine days? Make that TEN.

SML and I laughed a lot about this because we were both allowed one sick card during the trip and we both cashed in. On our last Saturday I had an incident with my contact and I literally thought it bent over on itself and was lodged between the back of my eyeball and was poking my brain; BECAUSE THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT IT FELT LIKE.

On Sunday morning I woke up relatively early because I couldn’t open my eyelids anymore due to a really grotesque green slime that had grown around my eyeball. I woke up SML an hour later and asked him if he’d go to the Krankenhaus with me. He was really good about this; he never complained that I woke him up before the sunrise and didn’t even tell me about his fear that I would go blind until well later in the afternoon.

We weren’t completely successful at finding a Krankenhaus because there was somewhat of a language barrier between us and the entire nation of Germany. When we finally did find a hospital that would help me, I couldn’t even explain that I thought a contact was stuck in my right eye. After an eye test, they found that my left eye seemed to be having the most trouble despite the oozing and bloated eye on the right.

I’m not even completely sure what was wrong with my eye. My eyelids were turned inside out and one point and then I was sent home with a patch over my eye. I felt just like a pirate and SML even suggested I keep it on permanently because it really added to my good looks.

I’m going to post pictures later of my vacation; there are some pretty good ones, but I probably won’t have anything until tomorrow or so.

Here's what SML looked like after we landed.

The funniest part about this is how my dad asked, "Is he okay?" when he noticed SML slouched down in the backseat on the ride home. Travling for sixteen hours can do that to someone. At one point during the last flight over the Atlantic I wanted to pull out my hair.

But it's all totally worth it. SML has been so cute on this trip, you have no idea.

Part of the reason I hate going to parties like this is the fact that I have to present myself to the people there the way I would in a job interview. One of the first things said to me was, “This is so and so, and he owns such and such ski resort; what is it that you do?” When SML answered the same question it was met with, “So that probably doesn’t pay a lot then?” My answer to that would have been, “Um. My parents live in Germany and THAT’S WHY I’M COOL.”

I don’t want anyone to get the wrong idea; these people weren’t necessarily snooty. They were extremely generous; you should have seen the size of my sausage! That sentence totally deserves an exclamation point because the sausage was really tasty. And I did appreciate the interest they took in me and if I remember correctly, someone thought that I looked like a celebrity. And then confirmed that it was the reason that SML and I were together.

SML and I left the party early. I think it may have been due to the fact that the weather outside was starting to cool; or that I was starting to eye the last half of the cheesecake and licking my lips inappropriately. On the way out, I nearly knocked an entire plant off the entrance hall wall. The host looked at me strangely when I did that so I quickened my pace out the door incase he wanted me to pay for any damage.

My sisters convinced me to try fishing, which was actually a lot of fun. I can imagine that real fishing is thrilling, because I got extremely excited after my line tightened after only thirty seconds being submerged in the water. I felt very reserved because I didn’t jump up and down after catching the fish like I wanted to. Jumping up and down in North Ogden probably isn’t very butch.

I had the most fun watching the little kids fish. It is seriously the cutest thing ever. The video below is of Maxwell cathing a fish.

The fact that I had to look up Blue October probably means I’m a little out of touch with the music world. Most of the music I download these days are from Elton John’s Caribou album and other crazy stuff by Christian Walz. When we were at the concert I think I even said, “Wouldn’t it have been cool if we went to Elton John’s concert when he was here?” SML looked around when I asked that, probably looking to notice if anyone heard and was rushing over to decapitate me. After he was sure that we weren’t being overheard he said, “Um. Yeah.”

Blue October turned out to be really good! I even recognized some of the songs! And, if you look closely at that last picture? It's pretty obvious that the doctor who performed Michael Jackson's nose job did mine too.