Thanks for visiting. I'm a recent transplant to the Boston Massachusetts area, living with my boyfriend while he completes his MBA. I'm originally from Utah, I like Apple, FileMaker, writing about my feelings, and eating edamame.
This Easter, I came to the dirty realization that I missed pooping. I don’t miss so much the act of pooping, but I miss the relief that comes from pooping and feeling like I don't have poop in my brain. I’m not entirely sure why I haven’t been pooping and for the moment, I’m blaming the protein shakes and all of the cheesecakes and cookies that I shoved down my chimney.
After thinking very little about this problem, I talked to SML and he suggested that I get a laxative. I took a suggested dosage before we went to Easter dinner at Brian and Jesse’s home a said very seriously to SML, “We can’t stay very long. I don’t want to explode in their bathroom.” This last point was very important because I would sooner lose a limb than have multiple people hear my bowel movements.
SML and I got home with every intention of going to the gym until I confessed I didn’t feel well enough to do anything but complain and groan. We were sitting on the couch watching Family Guy when the Albertson’s branded laxative kicked in and I started to feel as though my intestines had folded over into tight pulsating knots. I jumped up in a mad dash, feeling very much like a hunchback as I hobbled into the bathroom, trying very hard to move my abdomen as little as possible. I think I may have said something like, “It’s TIME!” during that rush, but it all happened so fast I could have changed my entire outfit and not have remembered.
When I finally did rest on the porcelain, I made some unsavory noises that I would rather not mention. I can’t think of time in my life where I’ve felt more like a faucet, and that includes the time I threw up five times at the Weber State Library. After everything had settled, I sat in near silence as the toilet water refilled, regretting very much the decision to take that small pebble-sized laxative. That silence was interrupted when through the door SML said, “That sounded very promising!”
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