I feel nervous around SML’s family; mostly because his parents might believe that I don’t really have my own apartment and that I’ve been living in their basement for free. Not too long ago, I read somewhere on the Internet that should never move in with someone without “actually” moving in. Luckily, I don’t do anything by the book.

When I get nervous, I get irritatingly stupid. Really stupid in a way that makes me look completely retarded when I can’t pronounce words like “propriety”. My pronunciation of the word comes out as “property” and I look around at everyone in the room like maybe I had just farted in a very loud way and wasn’t sure if anyone else had heard.

SML and I were sitting on the couch, visiting with his family before they suggested that we play a round of the board game. I was crossing my fingers, hoping SML would know that at any moment I would blurt out something outrageously stupid, and that playing the game would only make it worse.

Of course, we played the game anyway. When the proverb “An unhappy man’s cart is…” came up, I filled in the blank with “soot and poo” and then laughed at my own Salad Fingers joke like it was the funniest thing since iPod boxer briefs.

Another proverb that came up was “A society a friends is . . .” Someone in SML’s family wrote something like, “A society of friends is like a thorny rose, to be picked carefully.” I probably messed that up, but you get the gist; it MADE SENSE. After five or ten minutes of brainstorming, I came up with “A society of friends is….SEEDLESS GRAPES.”

I am not joking. I actually wrote that on a piece of paper, and then handed it to SML’s sister in a very proud way like I was the next Charles Dickens of Proverbs.

Happy New Year everyone!

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