I had built those shelves almost two years ago, and to give myself credit, this was well before IKEA had come into existence in the Salt Lake Valley. My options were limited as to what kind of furniture would best display empty wine bottles and Dollar Tree picture frames. It seemed I had an endless amount of ideas on what kind of furniture I could build, ranging from ladders to stacked trunks; all of which I would have applauded as “the best design ever.” I settled on stackable shoe organizers and large wooden boards I painted red-orange, because you know, that makes sense.

Things got somewhat worse when it came time to move. To match the color of my apartment’s carpet, sick plum, I decided to paint those shelves a navy blue. With spray paint. Inside an unventilated apartment.

And it really did seem like a good idea. Even after there was thick cloud of paint nesting in the air throughout the apartment I couldn’t imagine painting these shelves a different way. I began to somewhat regret my decision to spray-paint indoors when that nested cloud of spray-paint dust began to settle on the carpet, counter-tops; the toilet seat. But since that all worked out so well I thought, “Hell. I may as well spray-paint all of the furniture.”

You must be thinking, “Seriously?” Seriously. I spray-painted every piece of furniture in that apartment and felt so good about it afterwards that I had at least two Burger King Whoppers to celebrate. SML came over around that time as I was eating my Whopper reward and said, “If it were me, I would re-paint these.” But what he meant to say was, “If it were me, I’d throw all this shit away.”

Which is exactly what happened. But to be fair, I totally wouldn't have used spray paint if IKEA had been around.

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