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When SML and I dismantled my shelves, it wasn’t because of our Feng Shui class or because I was suddenly endowed with good taste. It was because I wanted a new television that doesn’t sound like it needs a prescription-strength dosage of Gas-X. The noises that came out of my old television somewhat resembled AT&T’s wireless voice quality, and to make out the jumbled mess of words coming out of it, we’d turn up the volume to better hear what could have actually been alien robots broadcasting their message into my living room. We ordered the new television off of the Internet after I had spent an entire weekend convincing SML that we needed it more than a new kitten or living above the poverty line. The largest obstacle we faced ordering it online was the nine-day eternity it would take to ship UPS ground, which became even more terrible after SML drop-kicked our old television to the nearest person that would harbor possible alien terrorists. The seven or so days without a television seemed like a cake-walk at first because I put myself on a holier-than-thou stool, right up next to Ghandi, where I’m “seriously too cool for the tube.” That attitude quickly changed when SML and I ran out of things to say to each other and our options to entertain ourselves dwindled to picking each other’s noses or reading a book about Polygamy. As the time drew closer to our receiving date, my anticipation was nearly paralyzing. I can’t remember a time where I’ve been so excited to have the ability to watch Simpsons re-runs and to keep myself updated with the latest Antique Road Show spectaculars. That same anticipation must have been filling inside of SML, because when I got home on Tuesday I found SML on the phone with UPS demanding to know where our package was. Once we did get the package, SML ripped open the box and started instructing me to “lift it from the styrofoam.” It was an strange experience altogether because SML isn’t really a hands-on type, and when he started immediately pulling things apart and steadying himself to lift I considered that maybe I had entered an alternate dimension and that maybe Al Gore had won the presidency. There was a real feeling of a joy after we had set up that television. I feel like SML and I really bonded over that television, carefully setting it up and making sure everything was centered and perfect. Everything seemed so settled and accomplished at that moment, like maybe we had just completed a very important milestone in our relationship. And just as I pushed the power button, the power went out. Did I say we waited nine days? Make that TEN.
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