New iMac

On Saturday morning I bought a new iMac to replace my MacBook, Deiter. It is very pretty. SML was really good at negotiating with the salesman at Compusa and had him check all of the iMacs to find the one with the best warranty. When the salesman asked why I didn’t want Apple Care, I wanted to say, “Because on average I buy a new Mac every six months.” Which isn’t healthy and also really embarrassing.

Independence Day

I spent the Fourth of July dipping my feet into my sister’s pool. I couldn’t actually get in because it’s been awhile since I’ve shaved my chest or applied Nair. My sister said that if a dog jumps in the pool, it’s the equivalent of about twenty people and the filters can’t handle the extra load. Imagine the filters if I had jumped in. Ew. Now imagine me in a thong. Ew.

“She and I”

On Thursday night just as I was approaching the very exclusive Laundromat, SML interrupted my story and said, “She and I.” Because I said, “Me and her.” I was so upset by this I wouldn’t finish my story and mentioned something like, “You don’t like to be interrupted either!” Beyond that, I already know I’m a hillbilly and it’s very upsetting.

Growling in the bathroom

This morning as I was putting on my contact lenses, I heard a strange and very demonic noise coming from the bathroom. It sounded garbled and dangerous, as though the noise were coming from an animal mixed between a tiger and a hairless dog. My only response was, “Do we need to perform an exorcism in there?” When SML made the noise again, I made out the words, “Kenneth must LOVE ME.” Dear god.

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